This post has been on the tip of my tongue for so long. Having had 6 au pairs in 8 years, I now what I like and think I know what to look for. We pioneered the way amongst our contemporaries with having the first au pair as we wanted help with dog walking and babysitting and the economics of it made sense. Our first Au Pair Tati was so lovely it set a trend for lots of my pals to try one too. Most became hooked but for a few, it wasn’t for them. One thing I can tell you though, is that whilst I was in the thick of pregnancy, babies, toddlers and tantrums I am so pleased I had that extra pair of hands…
I must admit that it hasn’t all been plain sailing. Pregnant with number 3 I made some bleary eyed rash decisions and failed to notice that a girl WASN’T that enthusiastic (I thought it was a language barrier) but all was confirmed after a slow start when I returned home and she was gone. It has happened to the best of us. Do not judge! I was kind and patient but she was missing her boyfriend.
This bring me to my first point of many when thinking about what to ask when you are interviewing. It is imperative to discuss these things upfront so there are no surprises.
BOYFRIEND
We had some with boyfriends and some without. The former didn’t stay as long and were more focussed on coming over, concentrating on their English and heading back home. Those without were more open to seeing what happened. If what was happening was going well, they were more likely to stay.
LENGTH OF STAY
The normal length for an au pair to stay is a year however many prefer 10 months – arriving in September and leaving in June JUST BEOFRE THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS. If you have young kids who aren’t old enough for clubs, I would definitely confirm that they are happy to stay over this period of time.
HOLIDAYS
Also, say in advance your general holiday pattern and suggest that it makes sense if at all possible for them to take their holidays at the same time. Any reasonable girl will see this makes sense.
CONTACTS
It is really nice if they know a couple of people in London but I would be concerned if they knew loads as it might mean they are just here to socialise (which of course is fine but you don’t want a tired au pair midweek)
TOWN OR COUNTRY
One of the questions we asked when we were interviewing was ‘where would you like to ideally be an au pair?’ When they immediately said ‘only London’ it is worth delving to see whether they want to be an au pair or just come to London…
CHILDREN
How much experience do they really have with children? Don’t know about you, but before I had kids I would have been a terrible au pair. (I still would) Unless they have looked after children sole charge and had experience working in schools or camps, I would think twice about whether they are right for your family – especially if you have more than one or they are particularly wild (like mine – I needed someone who wasn’t phased!)
So, you like them. You have a good feeling. They are smiley. Respond to emails. Are good communicators. You have had a couple of good references. They were keen to see your children on Skype. They haven’t asked about money yet.
It’s time to ask if they would like to join your family as an au pair!
It is important to remember, they are joining your family rather than being employed by your family (although obviously you pay them). They probably don’t want to have dinner with you and your husband but generally we started each season of au pair by suggesting 1 meal a week with them.
Ask them about their family, their life, their culture. It is so interesting getting a different take and also so good for your children to hear.
THE KINDER YOU ARE AND THE MORE YOU APPRECIATE THEM, THEY QUICKER THEY WILL BLOSSOM.
- Buy them the odd bunch of flowers or bar of chocolate.
- Always pay them back for the bus or the bread they picked up.
- Respect them.
- Say please and thank you.
- Encourage them.
- Leave them to it. Children are MUCH nicer and easier to manage when you aren’t there.
- Don’t always take the good jobs and leave them the crummy jobs. Let them take Timmy to the party. Let them take Jane to the cinema. You stay home with the drunk toddler this time.
- Send them home with traditional English presents for their parents.
- I always had a thing about them crossing the road. Rather than saying ‘be careful when you cross the road’ I said ‘I am so wary of how I cross the road as the cars come in all different directions.’ It is not manipulative it is tactful.
- Once they have settled, let them discipline. If they have done their time, they have learnt it.
- Don’t take liberties and take advantage of their willingness to babysit. Pay them extra.
- Don’t make them work bank Holiday Mondays unless you give them a day off in lieu. It isn’t fair. If they join at the beginning of May before 2 bank holidays, lump it – it isn’t their fault!
Now the kids are slightly older and we have moved, we are forgoing an au pair and swapping it for a few extra hours cleaning instead. The one advantage is I will have to take charge again. There is no sloping off when they kick off and I realise my au pair has more patience to deal with it than me.
I am worried if any curve ball like a party invitation comes our way, but for the time being I am enjoying us all being together all the time. (Famous last words?) and when enough is enough, I will call on my gorgeous most recent one, Ara, to come and stay with us for the weekend and give us some much needed respite!
If you are deliberating whether to get an au pair, you may find this previous post helpful too.
PS. I always found our au pairs on Au Pair World but my Directory has a great list of agencies I recommend.
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